So Mother’s Day is today, girls. That’s the day we get recognition for all of our special maternal achievements over the past year. Don’t forget to also pat yourself on the back for all of the things you did over the past year just to get by. Give yourself a pat on the back for every time you:
- Sat your kids in front of a questionable video game so you could take a two-hour bubble bath. Extra points if you made them share their bath water so you wouldn’t have to wait on hot water.
- Used your diaper bag to lug in the 1.5 liter bottle of cheap wine that you plan to drink over the next week – or two days.
- Drove around the block twice before pulling into your babysitter’s driveway so you could finish listening to that song that you can’t listen to with them in the car.
- Gave them the answers (or just straight up forged their handwriting) on a homework assignment because you couldn’t face the painstaking task of watching them complete it. (Hint: Use your left hand)
- Safely righted your vehicle after precarious swerving caused by flailing your right arm in the backseat hoping to swat someone (anyone) in a futile effort to make them stop fighting.
- Picked them up late because you had to run by the pharmacy to get that much-needed refill on your anti-anxiety, anti-depression, anti-psychotic, anti-whatever-it-takes meds.
- Had the following conversations:
- Did you use soap? Are you sure? Then let me smell you.
- Onions? Absolutely not. Those are just spices.
- Are you seriously pooping right now? Why now? You’ve had all morning! I don’t have time for this!
- If you don’t eat those pizza rolls, you’re not getting any chips.
- Yes, we do brush our teeth on Fridays.
I’m also patting myself on the back for having the foresight to take a vacation day tomorrow and, yes, I’m considering being that mom that still takes the baby to the babysitter even though she’s at home. I’m thinking absurdly long bubble bath, fried food smorgasbord, day drinking and binge-watching Netflix, finished off with a nap.
Happy Mother’s Day to me and all moms. We do what we can.