Sweet Surrender

When it comes to furnishing snacks for the team, there are two types of parents:

The Health Conscious Parent: This is the one that brings the individually prepared baggies of organic carrots grown in their backyard, a souffle cup of hummus, a handful of granola/nuts/berries/leaves etc. And a bottle of water.

And then there’s this parent:

The Parent Who Cares a Little Less: This is the one that shows up with bags of Doritos, cookies, candy, and “juice” pouches that basically contain the syrup substance that comes with canned fruit, which can shoot up to 50 yards if the pouch is even slightly squeezed. The kids scream and yell and clamber over for their delicious snack while The Health Conscious Parents grimace and remind the kids that they will need to eat dinner before having their snack.

Here, let me put it in my purse. I’ll give it to you after dinner.

Yeah, don’t kid yourself, buddy. You won’t be seeing that snack again.

Anyway, guess which one I am.

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And before you start thinking that I went above and beyond by decorating these cookies like baseballs, you should know that the cookies came from a box and they actually taste like (and have the consistency of) sand dollars. But who cares about the cookie? The only important part is the icing.

Anyway, baseball season isn’t bad because we’ve played with the same kids for several years and the other parents seem pretty laid back although I did notice that I was only drafted for one round of snacks despite having two kids on the team….

I totally get it. Kids need a healthy, wholesome diet. After athletic activity, they probably need certain vitamins and nutrients to replenish their electrolytes and restore balance to their bodies. Lucky for me, my kids just sat in the outfield picking grass and filled their hats with dirt for the last hour so their electrolytes should be good.

It’s not that I don’t care if they eat healthy. I just don’t care enough to continue fighting the good fight. For years, I argued with them about what they would eat and when they would eat it. If you only knew how many times I said the phrase, “Well this is dinner so if you don’t eat, you’re not getting anything later.” A few hours later, they are gorging themselves on a midnight buffet that would rival most Vegas casinos.

So, yeah, I give up. Have all the sweets you want, kids. Until I find out that they are laced with something a little more illicit than sugar, calories and carbs, I’m probably not going to say a word about it.


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