Can’t buy me love

Boy One is the most money-hungry child I’ve ever encountered. Everything in his life has a price. This is cool because you can buy his love. He would totally flourish in a situation with a rich step-dad trying to win him over. In fact, maybe I’ll try to work out something like that for him. Anyway, his love can be bought, but not by me because kids are freaking expensive and after funding everything needed to meet their basic needs, I have no money left to buy their love. So I just go without.

I would have a problem with Boy One’s prodigious greed, but I don’t say much because he has the work ethic to back it up. He will do any chore to earn a quick buck. This year, he decided to have a rummage sale. He packed up all of the toys he wanted to get rid of and instructed Boy 2 to do the same.

I’m having a rummage sale. You need to put all of your toys in this basket and I’ll tag them.

There was no agreement about who would receive the proceeds from the sale of Boy Two’s items. I’m pretty sure it was some sort of eminent domain situation. Anyway, it seemed like he was doing a pretty good job of managing his rummage sale empire until I started checking his prices: broken plastic John Deere tractor toy – $25 new, $60 at Boy One’s sale; Johnny Jump-up – $20 new, $40 at Boy One’s sale. I suggested perhaps his prices were a little out of line with the current rummage sale pricing index, but he didn’t care. For that reason, I decided to discourage the rummage sale idea and he moved on to his next venture…

Granddad taught him that he can make money off of scrap metal and now he is constantly scavenging for it. I don’t really have a problem with it, but I did have to draw the line when he started eyeing the trampoline poles.

You can only scrap things that we don’t really need or use. We need the trampoline poles if you want to be able to jump on the trampoline.

He said he understood, but that didn’t deter him from staying on the lookout for potentially unneeded metal. This is why, if you were at the public pool today, you saw my son rifling through the trash. It’s not because I haven’t fed him. He’s just looking for empty  pop cans, which is apparently more fun than swimming or going down the slide. With that level of dedication, I’d say this boy has a bright future as an entrepreneur. Or perhaps just the town junkie that scavenges for scrap metal….



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